As I suspected.... I woke up today feeling even better and more rested than yesterday. The weekend was somewhat traumatic, and it took a while for me to recover.
My friend, my former pastor, having just retired from and left his church home of 12 years, is keeping a blog about this next phase of his life, his ministry in Eastern Europe. He posted the 2nd blog entry yesterday, and I just read it this morning. He mentioned the six women (me included) who went to the airport to see him off. He seemed pleased. Then he talked about the flight and other things. And I commented on the blog.
Was that wrong?
As a person who has to learn to let go, I wonder if it was wise to leave a comment. I did keep it short and lighthearted. But, should I not have said anything? I noticed that others from the church have commented on his facebook page. I wonder if we should just be giving him time and space instead of prolonging his goodbye by leaving comments.
I imagine how he must be feeling. Although he's on a new journey, he has to be feeling sad about leaving so many friends behind. And he's alone. Well, not really.... he has his European friends, but no one from his American life is with him. He does get to stay in touch with American family and friends who are not in our congregation, but not with any of us church people. And us congregants have each other to grieve with and support. He is likely grieving alone. I can't help but wonder if we are prolonging the process for him by leaving him comments, or if instead he appreciates it.
Ugh. I can feel it welling up in my throat ... a lump, and a tear fighting to surface. I force them down. Not now, not today. I want to be happy today. Focused on my work. Lighthearted. (Wait, can one be lighthearted AND focused on work?) Relaxed.
Today I see my oncologist for a check-up. Last summer I had ovarian and uterine cancer and a hysterectomy successfully cured me of both. But I must check in periodically with the good doc. So I only have 2/3 of the day to get things done at work. So I really need to be productive. And tears don't help that at all. So after finishing this blog entry, it's back to work.
Tonight is Bible study. The first one without the good reverend. Our associate pastor and a couple other people are doing it now. I hope for a good meeting and no sadness. Will let you all know tomorrow how it went. Cheers!
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