Commencement

Speaking of moving on....

I work at a university. On Sunday, approximately 200 engineers and computer scientists will receive their baccalaureate degrees on stage. The students have worked very hard to get to this point. We, the staff, have toiled diligently to prepare for this momentous occasion.

And I'm feeling melancholy.

I've known some of these students for three years; others I don't know at all. But they're all kind of my students. Ok, I'm not an advisor, not a professor, not a mom. I get that. But I still feel like they're mine.
I've seen them in their various incarnations over the years. Some of them have come in sobbing from failed exams. Some have come flying in on electric wings, caught up in whatever exciting thing in which they're involved. Others have simply said hello as they passed my desk.

This weekend they will all be smiling and exultant in their black caps and gowns and orange engineering stoles.

Part of my job is to get them lined them up by degree, in alphabetical order, in the mezzanine, and then march them down the stairs at the appointed time, to the spot where they will begin their procession into the theater, where they will receive their diplomas. Lining them up will keep my hands and mind occupied right up to the last minute. But when we get to the procession spot, and I have nothing left to do, I will break down and cry. I've done it for two years and I expect to do it again this year.

What is it about endings? Why do they so often make me feel blue?

In the case of Commencement, it's a happy time. Students who've busted their behinds to get the grades for four years are now reaping their rewards. I shouldn't feel bad. It's not like these students hung out with me or came over for dinner or helped me through a hard time. Yet I'm sad.

I think the question of why endings make me sad is not going to be solved in one blog post. In a short time I've experienced two major milestones that made me sad, and though they are different, they've one thing in common.... the people are leaving me. That much, I understand. So, people leaving makes me sad. Now I have to figure out what that taps into.

Ok, time to head 'em up and move 'em out. Big weekend ahead. Take care everyone!